02/13/09
Love and Star Wars.
Valentine's day always sucks for me, but it sucks for a lot of people, so I'm not gonna dwell on it. I'm just gonna put up a comic, and move on.
Now for Demo Men!
Racing games and I have what could only be called a strained relationship. While I've never been too good at them, I can recall having a blast playing games like Crazy Taxi or Mario Kart or even Burn Out in a pinch, however, I will be bored out of my gigantic skull with Midnight Club Need for Speed Flippity-doo whatever. Very give and take.
Which is why I tentatively the downloaded Pyroblazer demo. I very much wanted a fun and intuitive racing sim.
Actually, that's a lie. I downloaded it 'cos the Resident Evil 5 demo is only on Xbox live and they won't let me download it unless I'm one of those “better than you” Gold membership holding fucks. Well, listen up Microsoft, you greedy douche bags! I refuse to give up my stance until you sort your server issues out, you twats!
Ahem. So Pyroblazer.
Apparently earth was a garden of eden as we ushered in an age of prosperity, very much like the Greeks or the Romans... actually it was more akin to the Earth in Star Trek once the Federation took over. Anyway, something or other happened and our shit got fucked up. After a bunch of years humanity got their act together and nearly returned the planet to it's former glory, save one thing. Now they're all racing spaceships and shooting at each other.
Yeah... as far as exposition goes, they kind of left me hanging, but because the opening sequence is so so painful, I didn't really care. Besides it's a racing game. They could have started with, “You are here, go to there. Receive accolades,” and I'd have been happy.
But they didn't, so here we are.
After fiddling with the race features for a bit, I finally dropped into a race. In the selection menu I'm offered various chariots which all look spiky and sinister and ultimately same-y.
So, with my death wagon of choice and start the race.
Now before I get into gameplay I would like to speak to the game developers directly.
I mean, I would like to, but there's no way that I can, so instead I will
direct this to Morgan Freeman, cause he's more likely to give half a shit.
Mr. Freeman. I know back in the day, video games were made to appeal to kids. Today, however, more and more adults are playing them. So when you try to make something that would appeal to the younger demographic, like for instance, a star ship racing game where you shoot at each other, keep in mind that you will have as many people saying it feels like a desperate attempt to revitalize a dead genre as you will fans. At least two.
This, Mr. Freeman, feels like you're trying to grab at Twisted Metal's former glory. Racing plus violence. In of itself, it wasn't that substantial, probably because the developers just sat down and said, “You know what little boys like? Guns and monster trucks”.
Anyway, it was a fine attempt, but while Pyroblazer does have it's moments, it's just not enough. Games like Audiosurf are more simplistic, visually compelling and all around more fun. Also, I loved you in Batman.
Alright. Now the gameplay.
I didn't bother with a steering wheel peripheral or anything for this, which was probably a good choice, because as it stands, you steer with the mouse, fire your weapons with the left and right mouse buttons, move forward with W, rotate left with A, right with D, slow down with S, throw gang signs out the window with Q, fiddle with the radio with L, make a cell phone call with Y, Shout at passing chicks with M, etc. etc. ad nausium. Whether rotating the ship helps at all, I can't say. I played races with out bothering, and while I spun either way through the whole thing . Either way, I really couldn't tell.
Now the maps on this game are alright, but they don't really break the mold. All have a kind of “Been there, done that,” feeling, but it could have just been me. As a child I spent most of my time obsessing over Science Fiction, so most space games feel familiar.
Also, it sometimes gets hard to differentiate between the path and, let's say, a wall. I've run headlong into a cliff side Wile E. Coyote style more than once, and that screams to me 'bad design.' On the other hand, I tend to suck at racing games, which I mentioned earlier in this review so let's move on.
Flying is alright if you get used to the nausea inherent in any piloting game. I didn't, thus I played with a puke bucket at my feet.
Collision detection needs work, unless you can fly in the middle of the track. I didn't, but that's only because they put the power ups close to the edges.
The weapons seem overpowered when you get exploded for the hundredth time, but weak using anything else except the machine gun. And because you start with the machine gun on some ships you wonder why you even bother with the piddly-ass rockets.
Now, some of the problems are tolerable, and others not even that major, but because they're core details in racing games, they become glaring.
But like I said, it isn't a bad game. It just wants to take the place of an old favorite. Something remembered fondly from our youth. And we can't really blame it for that.
So I say, get AudioSurf for a fun, unique, music based and addicting game, with bright colours and light hearted energy.
Get Pyroblazer if you want to imagine being Luke Skywalker in an ugly
ship doing the Death Star trench run.
-- Scud